David

"Gary was an alright dude, just misunderstood. Like ants."
David The Accountant is a man notable of filing taxes on time, performing occasional audits, performing prostate exams, and feeding his cats.

David is a hypersexual and enjoys bagels topped with whipped cream.

Every Wednesday David plots his future world domination by applying more topical ointment to the rash on the back of his neck, and every Thursday he goes to his weekly yoga session with Kaley. He is also the third twice-removed cousin of Gary.

Unlike his ancestors, David was not born holding a medieval weapon. This being considered a great dishonor by his family, David was disowned and forced to live with homeless people for twenty seven years. His group, known only as Hobos Against Hobitler (H.A.H.), battled a homeless Hitler for those twenty seven years.